Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
