Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
