just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
