AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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