how can u be prego again
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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