I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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