so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
