dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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