Yo dont text me then not text me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
