I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
