Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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