And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
