I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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