So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
