i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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