theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
