the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
