Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
