I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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