Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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