oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
