mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
