Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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