She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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