Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
