# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
