i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
