Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
