STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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