Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
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