Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
