end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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