I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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