Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
