Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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