The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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