Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
