New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
