Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
