I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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