Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
