I like to think it a success when the cops are called
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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