3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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