Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
