I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
COCAINE IS GR8
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
