so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
