The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize