I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
