Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
