No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
