ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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