i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
