well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
