wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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