I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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