i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize