this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
