Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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