I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
