I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
