I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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