i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
