I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
