The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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