for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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