Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize