If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
